Cold

Over the past 6 months I have lost a lot, but gained even more.

My long term partner and I separated.

I left my friends in Colorado, which were effectively the only family I had.

Even just recently, I realized I was losing another close person in my life.

The point I am trying to make is, I have seen a lot of people come and go.

 

 

Bosses…

Friends…

My parents…

My 2 brothers…

Colleagues…

Coaches…

Children…

Pets…

Partners…

 

 

 

 

I am getting pretty good at surviving these loses.

 

 

 

 

I sometimes wonder if I am too good at it.

Like, could I be insensitive to it?

Did all the years of lying about who I was, turn me into a cold and heartless person who truly has no empathy for loss?

Should I care more?

Or am I just destined to be cold, lost, and alone?

 

 

 

I wonder if I should just stay back..?

Would it make sense if I just kept a little more to myself?

It seems safer.

It seems smarter.

It seems better.

I hate feeling hurt.

I hate it when I make someone else feel that way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe I should just stop getting myself into these situations?

 

Or is that taking the easy way out?

 

Maybe the pain is just a part of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe the pain is just the cost of happiness…?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Comments

  1. Shelby

    March 13, 2018 at 19:38

    Oh Kris – I just want to give you a really big, long hug. You have to be YOU. You have to. The world needs YOU – and you are the only YOU there is. Breathe. And Be. And come visit!!

    1. kris

      March 14, 2018 at 04:20

      Thank you so much <3 nothing but love and yes - I do need to see you very soon!

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