Cold
Over the past 6 months I have lost a lot, but gained even more.
My long term partner and I separated.
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I left my friends in Colorado, which were effectively the only family I had.
Even just recently, I realized I was losing another close person in my life.
The point I am trying to make is, I have seen a lot of people come and go.
Bosses…
Friends…
My parents…
My 2 brothers…
Colleagues…
Coaches…
Children…
Pets…
Partners…
I am getting pretty good at surviving these loses.
I sometimes wonder if I am too good at it.
Like, could I be insensitive to it?
Did all the years of lying about who I was, turn me into a cold and heartless person who truly has no empathy for loss?
Should I care more?
Or am I just destined to be cold, lost, and alone?
I wonder if I should just stay back..?
Would it make sense if I just kept a little more to myself?
It seems safer.
It seems smarter.
It seems better.
I hate feeling hurt.
I hate it when I make someone else feel that way.
Maybe I should just stop getting myself into these situations?
Or is that taking the easy way out?
Maybe the pain is just a part of it.
Maybe the pain is just the cost of happiness…?
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Shelby
March 13, 2018 at 19:38Oh Kris – I just want to give you a really big, long hug. You have to be YOU. You have to. The world needs YOU – and you are the only YOU there is. Breathe. And Be. And come visit!!
kris
March 14, 2018 at 04:20Thank you so much <3 nothing but love and yes - I do need to see you very soon!